BY ALINA GAO
Asia is a place of familial expectations
Regal temples were built on the backs of our ancestors, the weight being transferred to us in the form of heavy expectations
We left the rural countrysides for a country of opportunities, small markets replaced with bustling malls where men in business suits bump into you without looking back Families put a legacy on their children, salvaged from all the dreams they sacrificed
“You can do better”
“Go study, you don’t have time to play”
“You should start preparing for university”
The phrases of my childhood slowly build up
To 18 extracurriculars and a constant tight feeling in my chest
I am held to a higher standard than my peers
I bear the weight of my family’s need to succeed
To survive in this foreign country where they have to rely on their children to understand legal documents
And communicate with teachers and store managers
I am held to a higher standard because my parents sacrificed more
They sacrificed more than they’ll ever tell me and then some
To escape a country that was drowning in inequality, one that would not receive me kindly
If even at all (my oldest sister was the only one that belonged)
They did it out of their best intent
But I’m still suffocating, choking on the gold and paper wads you’ve stuffed into my mouth
And told me to chase
Expectations are like liquid gold that easily turn solid when I stay still for too long
Shimmery and glistening
The expectations are pretty, but they’re only that
The weight bends me, almost breaking
Even when I heave it off with deep breathing exercises and mindful meditation
Because Asia is a place of familial expectations
And it will always exist inside me
